Coaching · Faith · Family · Friends · Leadership · Teaching

The Dangers of Blame

This week I have been presented with a practical life lesson.  Someone close to me took it upon herself to blast me for some of the hard choices that I am making, so as to live a life of excellence and to live my God-given purpose.  In this letter that I received I was accused of being selfish and self-centered because I wasn’t doing what she wanted me to do.  I’m not living according to her expectations of my life.  This letter got me thinking.

Is it possible to blame someone else for being self-centered because they haven’t made your wants the top priority in their life?  The more I thought about it, the more I realized how hypocritical that whole line of thinking is.  It is self-centered to place our own wants above those of others and to be totally focused on ourselves.  But here’s where the danger of blame comes into play: Once you blame someone for being self-centered, your own self-centerdness is exposed.  The only exception to this is when you are talking to someone about how they are treating a third-party.

This principle applies to all blame.  You can’t blame other people for things without exposing your own heart.  There is a difference between blame and confronting a problem.  Blame is arrogant and dogmatic.  It can’t be done in love, it always belittles the person being blamed.  Problem-confrontation is completely different.  To confront a problem you sit down with all the people involved and talk through what happened, without blaming anyone, and truly seek to resolve the issue.

One of the biggest problems with blame is that it assigns motives to other people’s actions and words.  Unless you’re a mind-reader, there is no way you can know another’s motives without asking them.  Before blaming anyone for anything, find out why they did what they did.  Seek to understand their thought-process that led them to the decision that they made.  You’re not God, there’s no way for you to know what someone else is thinking until you ask them.  And guess what, you may not be as high priority for that person as you think you should be (pride and arrogance).

Just so there is no confusion, I will give you my top three priorities, in order of importance:
1. God- living my God-given purpose and expanding His Kingdom here on earth
2.  Heidi- My wife.
3. Andrew- My son.

Lou Holtz said, ” When you know your purpose, decisions are easy.”  Now you know how my life is prioritized.  So now you don’t need to let your feelings be hurt when your expectations for my life aren’t even considered when I’m making decisions.  I would encourage everyone reading this to take the time to figure out why you’re here and for what purpose has God created you.  Once you understand that making decisions becomes much easier.

Don’t let anyone else’s arrogance or ignorance place demands on your life.  Stay true to your purpose, stay faithful to God’s plan for you, and know that you know.  Just because someone else doesn’t understand why you’re doing what you’re doing, it doesn’t make you wrong.  Stay tough, stay faithful and God will bless your life.

God bless
Jason Fredrick

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